Written February 8, 2012
A day spent in transit, en route to a city which will determine my future as a model. It seems odd that it should come to this, but I have trouble viewing it in less than all or nothing terms. I mean, during this next two weeks I’ll either nail it, or I won’t. I guess I could fall somewhere in the middle. X-Ray (my Greek agency) will either decide to keep me or cut me within that time, the ultimate decision rests with them. Strange as it may seem, I’m actually thankful to be in this situation.
Ultimately I don’t decide whether or not I get work. For a while I fooled myself into thinking that what I wore to a casting, or the shape I was in, or how hard I networked would be key factors in getting work. Now I see the truth though, and it’s liberating. Appearance, attitude, and aptitude play their part, but so do timing, competition and politics. Those may even be of equal or greater relevance in certain scenarios, and they are completely out of your control.
I really beat myself up for two full months in China, but eventually have come to this point where I’m not going to hold my breath until I pass or shine my shoes until they grow dull again.
So, as odd as it is to know that something is going to happen in the next few days, I’m not letting it get to me. I’m prepared for failure, planning on succeeding, and just praying I don’t end up somewhere in between.